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طلاق کے بعد کے معاشرتی مراحل

یہاں ہم اسلام کی رو سے نہیں۔ بلکہ معاشرتی اعتبار سے طلاق کے بعد رونما ہونے والے جزباتی مراحل پر بات چیت کرینگے۔ ایسے معاشرتی مراحل کہ جو طلاق کے بعد فریقین کے لیئے زندگی اجیرن بنا دیتے ہیں۔ 

حلال کاموں  میں سب سے زیادہ مکروہ فعل طلاق۔ جس کے بعد انسان کی زندگی اور ارد گرد کے ماحول میں آنے والی تبدیلیاں انسان ایسے افراد کے لیئے شدید تکلیف دہ ہوتی ہیں۔ وہیں ان مسائل کا سامنہ کرنا بھی بہت بڑا مرحلہ ہوتا ہے۔

فریقین کے رشتہ داروں کا رد عمل 

صرف ان مراحل سے گزرنے اور لوگوں کے سوالات کے  جوابات دینے کے خوف سے ہی ایک اچھا خاصہ انسان شدید رد عمل کرتا دکھائی دیتا ہے۔ بلکہ بعض اوقات نوبت فریقین کے درمیان مار دھاڑ تک پہنچ جاتی ہے۔  جس کی در حقیقت احباب کا ذاتیات میں مداخلت کرنا۔ اور فریقین سے الٹے سیدھے سوالات کرنا یا۔ بدلے لینے کے لیئے اکسانے کا عمل ہے۔  ایسی صورت میں فریقین کے بہت اپنے ، جن میں۔ ماموں، چاچا، کزنز یا دوست احباب فریقین کو ہمدردی کے نام پر بدلہ لینے کی ترغیب کر رہے ہوتے ہیں۔

یہ کیا ہوا۔ یہ کیسے ہوا، آپ بھی بے غیرتوں کی طرح خاموشی اختیار کر گئے۔ یہ کیوں نہیں کہا۔ ایسے کیوں نہیں کیا۔ لڑکے کو مارا پیٹا کیوں نہیں۔ یا لڑکی کو دھکے دے کر گھر سے کیوں نہیں نکالا۔ اس سے اولاد، اسکا زیور ، یا ایسی اور بہت سی قیمتی چیزیں چھینی کیوں نہیں۔ لڑکی کو بدنام  کر کے اسکی آنے والی زندگی کو ہمیشہ برباد کر دینے تک کی نوبت یہ اپنے ہی لے آتے ہیں۔ اور بات لڑکے کی ہو تو۔ اپنے ہی اسکی جان لینے تک کے مفت مشوروں سے فریقین کو نوازتے رہتے ہیں۔

طلاق خود فریقین کے لیئے بہت جزباتی اثرات لیئے ہوئے ایک فیصلہ ہوتا ہے۔ پھر چاہے وہ لڑکی کی مرضی سے ہو۔ یا لڑکے کی مرضی سے۔ اور دونوں صورتوں میں فریقین میں نفرت ، غصہ اور بدلے کا عنصر لییئے ہوئے ہوتا ہے۔ ایسی صورت میں فریقین میں غصے کو ختم کرنے کی کوشش کرنی چاہیئے نا کہ الٹا بدلے کی آگ کو ہوا دینی چاہیئے۔ کیونکہ جانی نقصان کی صورت میں اسکے سراسر زمہ دار یہ بہت اپنے ہی ہوتے ہیں۔

فریقیں کو طلاق کی صورت میں کیا رد عمل اختیار کرنا چاہیئے۔

یہ بات بہت زیادہ اہمیت کی حامل ہے کہ طلاق ہو جانے کی صورت میں فریقین کو کیا رد عمل اختیار کرنا چاہئے۔ کیونکہ غصہ ، بدلہ، جزبات کوٹ کوٹ کر طلاق کے رد عمل کے طور پر ظاہر ہوتے ہیں۔ مگر یہ بہت نازک وقت ہوتا ہے۔ اور اس نازک وقت کو سنبھالنا صرف ایک دن کی  بات نہیں۔ بلکہ یہ مرحلہ مہینوں تک چلتا رہتا ہے۔ کیونکہ طلاق کا ہو جانا تو ایک لمحے کی بات ہے۔ مگر پھر جو لوگوں کے سوالات، طعنے، اور رشتوں میں توڑ پھوڑ کا عمل شروع ہوتا ہے۔ وہ ختم کیئے ختم ہونے کا نام ہیں لیتا۔

ایسی صورت میں فریقین کو بہت صبر تحمل سے کام لینا چاہئے۔ اور لوگوں کے سوالات کے جواب دینے کی بجائے۔ انکا منہ اس بات سے بند کر دینا چاہیئے کہ اب تو جو ہونا تھا ہو چکا۔ اس سے بڑا اور کیا نقصان ہوگا۔ ہم اس سے زیادہ اور تکلیف اٹھانے کی جگہ اب سکون لینا چاہتے ہیں۔ بلکہ کچھ وقت کو احباب سے کنارہ کشی اختیار کرنا زیادہ مناسب عمل ہے۔

لڑکے والی یا لڑکی والے اپنے صفائی میں بیان دینے کی تو بلکل بھی کوشش نا کریں۔ کیونکہ یہ ہی تو رشتہ دار چاہتے ہیں۔ کہ آپ صفائی میں کوئی بیان دیں۔ یا اپنی غلطی نا ماننے کے لییے تمام تر الزام مخالف پارٹی پر ڈال دیں۔ تاکہ سننے والوں کو مزید مصالہ ملے ان اختلافات میں مزید تلخی پیدا کرنے کے لیئے۔ چاہے غلطی کسی کی بھی ہو۔ یہ بد ترین کام تو اب ہو چکا۔ اسکے انجام کو منطق سے سلجھاتے ہوئے معاملے کو رفع دفع کرنا چاہیے، نا کہ فساد مزید بڑھا کر بدترین منطقی انجام تک پہنچانا اپنا فرض سمجھنا چاہیئے۔

یاد رہے ، کہ طلاق واقع ہو چکی ہو، تو یہ کام اب نا قابل تلافی ہے۔ اور مزید مسائل پیدا کر کے مزید الجھنوں کا شکار ہونے کی بجائےآپ کو چاہیئے کہ اب آگے بڑھنے اور اس بات کو جلد سے جلد ختم کرنے کی طرف توجہ دیں۔ اور یہ کام صرف اور صرف فریقین کے ہاتھ میں ہے۔ لوگوں کے سامنے مزید پر تیش گفتگو کرکے لوگوں کو مزید باتوں کا مزہ لینے کا موقع نا دیں۔ کیونکہ جب لوگ طلاق رکوا نہیں سکے۔ تو طلاق ہونے کے بعد ہونے والے فساد کو مزید بڑہانے کا تو بلکل بھی حق نہیں رکھتے۔

فریقین ایک دوسرے کی بدنامی سے اجتناب کریں۔ 

ہمارے معاشرے کی بنیاد کچھ اس طرح سے ڈال دی گئی ہے ، کہ جب دو لوگ ملتے ہیں تو ایسے خوشیاں منائی جاتی ہیں جی سے انسے زیادہ خوش کبھی کوئی ہوا ہی نہیں۔ اور جب نوبت طلاق تک آ جائے تو ایسے رد عمل اختیار کیئے جاتے ہیں۔ جیسے دونوں فریقین میں کبھی پیار تھا ہی نہیں۔ بلکہ علیحدگی کی صورت میں ایک دوسرے پر الزام تراشی، بدنامی، کردار کشی کو فروغ کیا جاتا ہے۔ اور دونوں فریقین کو اپنی اوقات سے گرتے دیر نہیں لگتی۔ جس کا مزہ دنیا دار لوگ ایسے لیتے ہیں جیسے بنا ٹکٹ کسی ڈرامہ کا مزہ لیا جا رہا ہو۔ لہٰذا فریقین علیحدگی کے بعد خاموشی کو ترجیح دیں۔ اور ایک دوسرے پر الزام تراشی سے اجتناب کریں۔ کیونکہ نا تو آپ کسی تیسرے بندے کے آگے جواب دہ ہیں، نا ہی پبلک پراپرٹی ہیں کہ کوئی بھی آپ کی سوچ پر اپنی سوچ منڈ دے۔ اپنی عزت اور آپ کے فریق کی عزت کا خیال رکھیں۔ کیونکہ طلاق سے زیادہ برا آپ اپنے فریق کے ساتھ اور کچھ نہیں کر سکتے۔ لہٰذا بہتر ہے کہ اپنے غلطی کو مانتے ہوئے خاموشی اختیار کریں،، نا کہ فریق کو اسکا زمہ دار ٹھرانے کے چکر میں مزید فساد پھیلائئں۔ 

اس سلسلے کی مزید گفتگو آئیندہ۔ 

شکریہ

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